Guiding Principles

I firmly believe that God / Nature / the Universe — whatever you call it — has made our spirit harmonious and joyful, yet our traumatic experiences may have caused us to feel worthless or defective, lonely or fearful. Our experiences have largely shaped who we are now, and may significantly influence our present and future. While we oftentimes cannot prevent the damage from occurring, it may feel more comforting to attribute it to our own defectiveness rather than to accept our lack of control over our lives. It takes courage and support to let these illusions go, and to admit that, while we may not be able to change the circumstances, we can choose the direction of our current efforts and, eventually, our attitude towards life events.

Buddha taught us that whatever input we receive from the Universe, it is up to us whether to accept it or not. Sometimes an offer may sound like an order — maybe it is even intended to be an order — and yet we choose how to interpret this message in our reality. Whether we accept the offer or not, liberation implies taking full responsibility of our decision and its consequences.

Similarly, whenever we make offers to the Universe — either by silently wishing for something or by directly communicating to someone — no higher power can guarantee the fulfillment of our requests. In an attempt to avoid frustration, we may pretend to have no preference on the outcome and/or even to completely give up on achieving our goals, which, however, results only in suppression and further increase of our frustration. A more productive stance could be:

I admit that I have preferences and desires. I will work on accomplishing them. I will accept whatever happens.

I will celebrate and enjoy success, but not get too attached to it.

I will acknowledge losses, grieve over them, and will do my best to integrate the experiences.

Each time we crave something out of our immediate reach, we agree to constrain ourselves, we commit to certain actions while avoiding others. The higher our obsession with a particular outcome is, the more we become ready to sacrifice — our time, efforts, opportunities, and even integrity. Our desires are often inspired by particular value systems, with which we unconsciously align ourselves. As a result, we follow a largely predefined path and forget how to listen to our deep personal needs.

Dragged into some form of collective madness, we jump between distractions and run away from the silence and from ourselves. One day the never-ending anxiety and dissatisfaction brings us to the point where we can no longer continue this socially approved self-abuse. Then we may finally turn our gaze inwards, listen to our abandoned heart, and begin the journey to our true undiscovered self. We learn about new ways of living our lives; by exploring the world, we explore ourselves and find our own unique path to harmony and love.

A common approach to dealing with fear amounts to suppressing or ignoring it, eventually leading us to avoiding the situations in which the fear manifests itself. By doing so, we give it the power over our decisions and actions, making us align our future with our past and sacrifice our freedom of choice. Alternatively, we can acknowledge the fear and its influence on our lives, and to eventually face it.

Being exposed to the fear, we will surely be affected by it — yet this time by choice. This exercise is neither about getting to the final destination, nor about mentally overcoming the fear before stepping into the void. It is about accepting the fear, staying present, and observing how it affects but does not kill us, how it leads to temporarily unpleasant yet manageable consequences. Our fear is, therefore, our best companion, who is meant to guide us toward liberation.

For me personally, saying words of affection and love has always been harder than expressing those through actions. I was scared of being vulnerable or having my words misinterpreted and afraid of not fulfilling the expectations of the people I care about. But what exactly did I want to communicate to them?

According to Fromm, Hollis, and many others,  the word “love” carries two nearly opposite meanings. Romantic love denotes an extreme craving for a person, which is typically based on our projections from the past, and it has little to do with the actual person. True Love, on the other hand, manifests itself in letting another person be who they are and supporting them in what they want and need. Thus, to me, “I love you” means “I feel the source of Love inside of me, and I choose to direct it at you”. With these words, I am declaring and exposing the intent of my actions.